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Artwork by Justin Fetters

In light of the recent Oscars podcast (a challenge we don’t think anyone managed to sit through entirely), Derek and I have invited our two special guests this year — Drew Clouse and Finn Kuklok — to join us in our first official Oscar redistribution.

What does that mean? It means the four of us got together on Skype and spent a good two hours discussing what films we would rightfully place in each Oscar category of our choosing (fourteen, with an additional slightly changed category). Each of us would pick one film we’d like to place as our nominee, and for the fifth spot (or ninth/tenth in the case of the Best Picture), we would go with a consensus vote.

In part, we decided to sort of throw caution to the wind and ignore most Academy rules because, let’s face it, some of ‘em are bullshit. Nobody’s going to nominate John Williams or Hans Zimmer for self-plagiarizing, shine flashlights at documentaries that were “too boring,” or exclude films that didn’t get the ideal US theatrical release (because foreign cinema is thriving and ignoring some of these films from recognition would be an crime). So, to say the least, it’s going to be an eccentric, genre-friendly list.

Now, without further ado, here is DtHL’s Official Oscar Recasting!

BEST PICTURE:

  • 12 Years a Slave
  • The Act of Killing
  • The Counselor
  • Frances Ha
  • Inside Llewyn Davis
  • Like Someone in Love
  • Short Term 12
  • Upstream Color
  • The Wolf of Wall Street
  • The World’s End

BEST DIRECTOR:

  • Shane Carruth — Upstream Color
  • Steve McQueen — 12 Years a Slave
  • Martin Scorsese — The Wolf of Wall Street
  • Johnnie To — Drug War
  • Thomas Vinterberg — The Hunt

BEST ACTOR:

  • Leonardo DiCaprio — The Wolf of Wall Street
  • Chiwetel Ejiofor — 12 Years a Slave
  • Oscar Isaac — Inside Llewyn Davis
  • Simon Pegg — The World’s End
  • Joaquin Phoenix — Her

BEST ACTRESS:

  • Amy Acker — Much Ado About Nothing
  • Greta Gerwig — Frances Ha
  • Brie Larson — Short Term 12
  • Amy Seimetz — Upstream Color
  • Zhang Ziyi — The Grandmaster

BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR:

  • James Franco — Spring Breakers
  • Michael Fassbender — 12 Years a Slave
  • Jonah Hill — The Wolf of Wall Street
  • Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson — Pain & Gain
  • Keith Stanfield — Short Term 12

BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS:

  • Cameron Diaz — The Counselor
  • Lupita Nyong’o — 12 Years a Slave
  • Margot Robbie — The Wolf of Wall Street
  • Mickey Sumner — Frances Ha
  • June Squibb — Nebraska

BEST ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY:

  • Noah Baumach & Greta Gerwig — Frances Ha
  • Joel Coen & Ethan Coen — Inside Llewyn Davis
  • Mamoru Hosoda & Satoko Okudera — Wolf Children
  • Cormac McCarthy — The Counselor
  • Simon Pegg & Edgar Wright — The World’s End

BEST ADAPTED SCREENPLAY:

  • Destin Daniel Cretton — Short Term 12
  • Julie Delpy, Ethan Hawke & Richard Linklater — Before Midnight
  • John Ridley — 12 Years a Slave
  • Joss Whedon — Much Ado About Nothing
  • Terence Winter — The Wolf of Wall Street

BEST ANIMATED FEATURE:

  • Frozen
  • Garden of Words
  • Planes
  • The Wind Rises
  • Wolf Children

BEST FOREIGN LANGUAGE FILM:

  • Drug War
  • The Great Beauty
  • The Hunt
  • Like Someone in Love
  • Post Tenebras Lux

BEST DOCUMENTARY:

  • A Band Called Death
  • The Act of Killing
  • Bambi
  • Leviathan
  • Rewind This!

BEST ORIGINAL SCORE:

  • Will Butler & Owen Pallett — Her
  • Shane Carruth — Upstream Color
  • Explosions in the Sky & David Wingo — Prince Avalanche
  • Cliff Martinez — Only God Forgives
  • Cliff Martinez & Skrillex — Spring Breakers

BEST USE OF A PRE-EXISTING SONG:

  • David Bowie’s ”Modern Love” — Frances Ha
  • Colin Stetson’s “Awake on Foreign Shores” — 12 Years a Slave
  • Oscar Isaac & Marcus Mumford’s ”Fare Thee Well” — Inside Llewyn Davis
  • Philip Glass’ ”Duet” — Stoker
  • Britney Spears’ “Everytime” — Spring Breakers

BEST CINEMATOGRAPHY:

  • Sean Bobbitt – 12 Years a Slave
  • Shane Carruth — Upstream Color
  • Philippe Le Sourd — The Grandmaster
  • Sam Levy — Frances Ha
  • Emmanuel Lubezki — To the Wonder

BEST FILM EDITING:

  • Shane Carruth & David Lowery — Upstream Color
  • Nicolas De Toth — Stoker
  • AJ Edwards, Keith Fraase, Shane Hazen, Christopher Roldan, Mark Yoshikawa — To the Wonder
  • Thelma Schoonmaker — The Wolf of Wall Street
  • Joe Walker — 12 Years a Slave